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July 17 2017

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July 15 2017

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whatever it is that helped britney survive 2007 we all need in 2016

now’s our chance

July 14 2017


i was thinking about how tom had to go to a high school to prep for his role and i remembered this tweet dshjdshjdsfjd








challenge accepted

No you don’t understand, we’ve had a massive surplus of cheese since the Great Depression. The national government was determined to maintain the dairy industry when our markets crashed and so they developed a policy of buying up surplus cheese that regular citizens couldn’t afford. 

We’ve been shoving the stuff into caves in Missouri because there’s so much of it we haven’t really had anywhere else to put it because you can’t just destroy cheese. You try to burn it and it melts. It’s so heavily processed that it doesn’t biodegrade, and it can’t be fed to animals or turned into anything else. Our only other alternatives would be to dump it into the ocean which we would absolutely not do ever since the whole medical waste thing or to launch it into space which is way too expensive.

In the 1980s Reagan began a government cheese program to distribute some of the excess to welfare and food stamps recipients. And since then we’ve had the Got Milk? campaign which was a government scheme to get the general public to consume more dairy products to help slow the stockpiling. (By the way, cow milk may not be as good for us as we’re led to believe. There’s a lot of debate in the scientific community about whether the hormones present in the milk might have a link to cancer.)

Our surplus cheese is also why so many restaurants put so goddamn much of it into absolutely everything. A division of the federal government known as Dairy Management heavily promotes any restaurants that push cheesy menu items, even as the DoA’s Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion warns of the health risks associated with a cheese-heavy diet.

Basically the feds are conspiring to kill us all with dairy products because they got so buddy-buddy with the dairy industry in the first half of the 20th century that they’ve dug themselves into a hole and they’re paying Big Dairy too much to back out now.

this is the best news ive heard all year

finally, my chance to serve my country has come

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look i love how we all know. i love that we know it’s a set up. we know what’s up.

but we’re still gonna fuckin’ roll in that sterek for the next 84 years, and it’s almost like we can enjoy it more because we know.






Name a conspiracy theory superior in raw power to “there are no actual forests on Earth"

imma need some context on that cause WHAT?

“forests” = minuscule form of what trees on Earth can be, basically saplings
“mesas” = not landforms, but petrified ancient tree trunks
IIRC the theory goes that all forests on Earth were destroyed ages ago and it takes them ridiculous times to regrow, with those giant mammoth redwood trees just being the oldest ones that have grown the most

evidence 1:

listen i’m 100% on board but….who the fuck cut those trees down







movie tropes that will never get old to me:

  • a thing happens + two people exchanging money in the back
  • fourth wall breaking
  • “give up all your weapons” and that one guy that spends the entire evening taking his weights worth out his pockets
  • *a terribly loud crash* meowing/ car sirens heard offscreen
  • alternatively: a terribly loud crash and one of the characters going “oops” in the most casual voice
  • “fuck you” “well if you insist”

#alternatively alternatively: *terribly loud crash w/ sirens and cat screeching*#person: *off camera* ‘I’M OKAY’ (via @zenlida)

character being all “you expect me to do X?” Gilligan Cut to character doing X

  • the squad gets captured and interrogated separately, and they’re all telling equally terrible, completely contradictory lies
  • people completely missing the completely unsubtle, very visible dangerous thing in the room with them
  • alternatively, people absolutely seeing the completely unsubtle, very visible dangerous thing in the room with them and just not giving a shit
  • bonus points if it’s a beleaguered minimum wage employee who just goes about their business like “yep same shit as always”
  • someone pretending they don’t know another character is eavesdropping, only to casually reveal at the end of the scene that they know (*leaving* “tell tom that he can come out now” *tom drops from the ceiling in spy gear, irritated*)
  • choosing to deal with the villain by just leaving them alone in a room with another character
  • the “hands go down” trope
  • example: “any questions?” *everyone’s hands go up* “…that AREN’T sarcastic?” *everyone’s hands go down*

how could all y'all forget “ACT NATURAL!”

July 10 2017

season 6b is going to be a fucking trash fire and i’m so mad it pulled me back in but i can’t let go yet


thank god teen wolf is ending now, 2 or 3 more seasons and the lighting department (or whatever/whoever is left of it) would just quit, we’d be left watching a black screen with audio.

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We opened the door to another world. Something came out with us. There’s always a price to pay.


Me as a nerdy teenager with not a lot of friends: you know what is paramount to my happiness? Owning a lot of books.

Me as an adult trying to move to a second location: now hold on a sec.

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July 03 2017


Gather around American boys and girls, it’s time to play “Is it fireworks or gunshots?”



Time slows down for you when you are in danger. The greater the danger, the more time you have to work things out. A terrible car accident once gave you almost a minute to react. Time has nearly stopped for you for subjective months now, and you still don’t know why.

It’s depression. Your powers are giving you time to recover and practice self-care because without doing so you’re likely to kill yourself. That’s the danger it’s trying to prevent, because while you don’t believe it now, you are very important and you matter so damn much.



getting random sharp pain in your organs is a lot like when your check engine light comes on in your car. you dont know what it means so you just ignore it and hope you dont blow up

Yep gotta love American HealthCare.

July 02 2017

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